(Ex) Smoking

So here’s the situation. Someone smokes. Then, they stop smoking, and everyone comes over and says, “Congratulations, you stopped smoking?!?”
People gush over them and ask all these questions:“Is it as hard as you thought?”
“Are you chewing the gum?”
“Do you have big cravings?”
And my personal favorite, “Oh my god, you’re quitting cold turkey?”

People can never believe someone is quitting cold turkey. It’s always shock and awe. It’s as if this person has just finished fighting something truly difficult, like they just came back from Iraq or overcame AIDS, or overcame AIDS in Iraq.

Maybe I’m cold, but why are we congratulating them? I refuse to say “good job.” Why should I congratulate someone for quitting? How hard can it be to make a decision to spend less money, be healthier, and look better? What a tough choice that must have been. "Well I can continue to infinitely increase my chances of getting cancer, heart disease, and look and smell like crap--OR--I could be healthier."

How about we don’t congratulate them, instead, we thank the ex-smokers for not smelling like shit anymore and ask them only one question, “how could you be so dumb to start?”

Better yet, when someone says they stopped smoking, I turn the attention to me.
“I’ve been smoke-free for 24 years. Yeah I did it, cold turkey. Where's my medal?"

Smoking Breaks

I thought segregation ended in the 50's, but no it still goes on today. It’s no longer black and white, its smokers vs non-smokers (black vs. white lungs). It's one of the most overlooked slights in society today.

Smokers have a clear advantage over non-smokers in the workplace. If you’re a smoker, you get to go on a smoke break whenever you want cause you need to quench your craving. How is that fair? You crave a ciggy so you get to step outside and relax, not working, enjoying the fresh, well not so fresh air with your heater. You know what I have a craving for every 2 minutes during the work day? The craving to NOT be working. Can I step outside for 5 min at a time to stand there and stare at the wall or talk to my buddy? No, I'd just be slacking, or avoiding working, its just not accepted. But the min I'd pick up smoking? BOOM, you need a smoke break? Go take one.

And they think the "truth" adds will deter kids from smoking? If you really want to deter kids from becoming smokers AND make society healthier, take the smoking breaks away from the puffers and give them to us non-smokers. Let us go outside for a few min and stand against the wall talking to our non-smoking friends. Let us stand out there and eat caramels, cause in the words of the great Will Hunting, its just as ahhhrbitrary.

People with Smoking Stipulations

This is a pet peeve of mine. I hear this all the time from people, even from my own girlfriend, best friend, and once, with my step sister: “I hate smoking, except when I drink.”

What the hell is that? How can you hate something in one state of mind, but love it when inebriated? If anything, drinking only further enhances your feelings about stuff. If a dude is all about something, say a football team, or is heated about some douche hitting on his girlfriend, introducing drinking is only fanning the flame. So if you don't smoke, shouldn't you hate it more when you're enjoying some adult beverages?

There are certain things that are acceptable to like more when you’re drinking: singing, being obnoxious, eating pizza at 2:30 a.m., and dancing like a moron. Smoking a ‘cool stick’ is not one of them.