Getting to and leaving a party at the right time is key. Sure the party starts at “10:00” but that’s really party lingo for 11 or later. When getting to a party it is important to get there at the right time. If you get there too early, it’s quiet, there aren't many or any people there. In this case, if you don't know the hosts all that well be prepared for some awkward small talk and fake a phone call to get yourself out of there.
On the other hand, getting there too late can be just as damaging. If you get there too late, everyone has hit the alcohol hard and as soon as you get in, they’re coming up to you yelling all this stuff, hugging you and trying to get you to dance. You’re way too sober for this party and you’re not going to catch up because everything has already been consumed.
Leaving the party can be just as important as arriving. Just as you can't be the first to arrive, you cannot be the last one to go, either. You must have some self-awareness and realize, “hey, these peeps want themselves some sleep, I’m going to crash here on the couch or I’m getting the F out.” You can’t make like the Cranberries and “Linger.”
Here are some of the "guys" you might see at a party:
Drink Trick Guy
He's here to do one thing and one thing only. Show off his drinking trick. He's the guy that can swallow a pitcher of bear in 2 seconds. He's the guy who can do cool spinny-tricks with bottles and such. He's the guy that's got one drink move, but no one gets tired of seeing it.
Make Out with everybody Guy OR Skank girl
This guy’s come to the party and you might as well call him Wayne Gretzky because he’s playing tonsil hockey with everyone he can get his lips onto. It doesn’t matter what the partner looks like, they’re getting a smack on the lips, because on this night, this guy/girl is getting their Mack on. Note: Make out guy will never talk to his victims ever again.
Waste Case Guy
When this guy's at the party, you know he's getting obliterated. He could have
gotten completely trashed last night. It doesn't matter. He's going to get tanked whether you like or not. While "waste case" guy is fun for a while, eventually he's the one barfing in the toilet at 3 a.m., then eventually passes out sitting up or laying down next to the toilet. The important distinction/trait about WC guy is he ALWAYS swears he's not going to drink like that again. But next Friday, you know you're getting a repeat performance.
Miserable ‘cause his ex is there guy
He's just your friend having a good time at a party until as if he stared into the eyes of Medusa he turns to stone: his Ex is at the party. His good times just ended because this dude is going to be miserable for the rest of the night and then only prescription is more drinks up in his system. Oh, he'll keep drinking and drinking, but not to have a good time and embarrass himself on the dance floor, no he's drowning his sorrows with his best friends Jack and Jose.
"I'm so drunk," but only had one peppermint schnapps girl/one beer guy
This is the person that will have a single beer at 10 p.m. and then at 11:00 he/she is all over the place. Everyone knows it's fake because no one else is drunk. That, and the fact that friends hoping to catch this guy faking it, switched his beer to O'Doul's.
Takes drinking games too seriously guy
If you weren’t aware that beer pong is an Olympic sport, this guy will let you know. He takes serious to a whole other level. Most people think everyone is the winner of drinking games because you wind up drunk and have fun doing it, not this guy. Are you struggling with your 6th flip of that cup? He's going high school football coach on you and screaming at you like you dropped an open touchdown. Or perhaps your card is called and you have to take five drinks but you take a few sips and call it even. After all you’re taking it easy tonight. Not so fast my friend. He's not letting that slide, he'll count out the sips for you if he needs to. Are your pong cups are looking a little light? He'll fill ‘em up for you. He's undefeated in pong (which he continuously refers to as, Beirut) on the night, and he'll let you know about it. In fact, he knows his all time record (63-8 over the past 4 years). He’s also bending his back and putting backspin on the ball to reduce drag, and if he misses the clinching shot, forget about. You’re getting hit with “this is bullshit,” or “if it wasn’t for (partner’s name) missing like 5 shots in a row, we’d a won that shit.”
Stoner Guy
Forget drinks. Stoner guy's coming equipped with everything he needs in his pocket and a zip-loc bag. While every one's dancing, playing beer pong, talking, and trashing the place, stoner guy just wants to watch Half Baked or Family Guy.
Buzzkill Guy
Buzzkill guy is the one that’s chilling at the party saying nothing, talking to no one and wants to leave. He’s got his arms crossed and he simply does not approve of the situation. He’s thinking about all the things he could be doing, none of which are being at this party.
Killjoy AKA Fight Guy AKA "What was that?" Guy
This guy is in the same family as buzzkill guy because inevitably his actions kill the mood. The main difference here is that he'll come around to where you're hanging out and he'll start ragging on one of your friends. At first it's funny. But then Killjoy guy takes it too far and it's clear that the guy getting ragged on is getting pissed. Killjoy guy sees this and decides to go for the kill, because his goal is to get into a fight. Only until he can see that there's no way he's starting a fight does he finally recede back to where he was before. By the end of his tirade though things are awkward and the good times are killed and we're all left wondering, "What was that about?"
Song ADD Guy
You walk into the room and think, “ah I love this song.” Five seconds later it’s changed. You look and Song ADD guy is manning the iPod. This guy totally sucks because not only does he switch the song but he ruins the moment. You've got some hot skank who you've been eying all party grinding with you to some Akon and BAM! One minute later he puts on Love Shack because he wants to get up and boogey. So now you’re pissed but hey, Love Shack is a catchy song so you get into that, until before the first chorus you’re now listing to him sing along to the Backstreet Men (boys). Songs do have a natural end Song ADD Guy, and rest assured; another song will pop up. We’ve set the play list for a reason so let it go buddy, let it go.
Gets REALLY loud Guy
People naturally get loud when they're drunk. We get that. But this guy gets REALLY loud, to the point where it's obnoxious. He's so loud that you would be able to hear him if you were at a Hard Rock Café.
Drunk Dial Guy
He's drunk and everyone in his phonebook needs to know about it. He calls his girlfriend, his best friend, the chick that's in his group for Marketing, he won't stop. He's saying whatever on his mind and he's sure to regret it the next day, but tonight he's drunk, he's dialing and no one is safe, "oh hey grandma, long time no talk…."
Drunken eating guy
It's 3:30 a.m. and he's about to pass out, but he's ordering that extra large Domino's with everything on it, even though it doesn’t matter what’s on it. It could just be some dough and it's gonna taste delicious. He already went through all the food in his fridge, including his roommate’s dinners for the next week and eaten up every last chip and cookie in the house. And while he waits for the Domino’s, he’s putting some bagel bites in the oven and perhaps some frozen fries too.
Human Wrecking Ball Guy
You have to watch out for this guy because he’s got years of suppressed anger boiling up inside him. His dad never liked him so after drinking 16 beers he’s taking out on the house he’s in. The wall’s getting a hole, the window’s getting smashed and he’s going to end up with blood somewhere on himself or the wall.
The world is my bathroom guy
This is the guy who’s so drunk that he’s going to go to the bathroom wherever his urine happens to land on. It could be his own bed, it could be on the couch, it may even be your closet. It doesn’t matter, because when you gotta go, you gotta go, and when you’ve drank an entire case by yourself, the flood gates are going to need to open sooner or later.
Option E guy
Just like option E on the SAT’s, this guy is ‘All of the Above.’ He’s able to chug his drink in a single gulp, makes out with everybody, he gets wasted, plays beer pong too seriously, then sees his ex which makes him miserable, smokes a little, changes the songs for 15 minutes, and is now a waste case. He then calls everyone he knows, he gets really loud and obnoxious, starts dissin’ your friend until it’s awkward, but makes everyone feel better by ordering a ton of food on his credit card at 2:00 a.m. However, before he gets the food he passes out in the bathroom, but not before he’s pissed all over the place and tore off the toilet seat for no reason. If you’ve had this night, congrats, you’re the stuff of legend.
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